today
calories
+ i don't wanna know. binge all day.
= to much
+ i don't wanna know. binge all day.
= to much
- 1 hour dance
I WANNA DIE
i hate myselft. just hate hate hate HATE! im crying now. can't help it, i feel like a baby. it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, stumble and fall. i miss my boyfriend. much. why can't i be like them? I feel like a traitor. i burn, my skin burns. i'll break down, disappear. be gone forever. will anyone miss me then? will anyone remember me at all? oh, god help me understand this. i cannot live, i cannot die, i cannot just be me. NEED A CHANGE.
thanks for listening.
thanks for listening.
really dunno
fuck
'moring
what a moring! damn. Overslept as hell! And now im not gonna go to school.
I'm going to the doctor at 11 am and now its about 10 so i can not :)
kisses
kisses
today
calories
+ 120 - two apples
+ 31 - a carrot
+ 60 - some beans
+ 169 - avocado
+ 38 - two glasses of milk
= 418 calories
+ 120 - two apples
+ 31 - a carrot
+ 60 - some beans
+ 169 - avocado
+ 38 - two glasses of milk
= 418 calories
- 1,5 hours dancing
- 20 minutes bike ride
- 30 situps
- 20 minutes bike ride
- 30 situps
today
calories
+ 59 - apple
+ 85 - salad
+ 23 - egg white
+ 20 - one glass fo milk
= 187 calories
+ 59 - apple
+ 85 - salad
+ 23 - egg white
+ 20 - one glass fo milk
= 187 calories
- 40 minutes bike ride
- 30 situps
- 30 situps
helloo
it has not happen much today, i woke up, drank coffee, was out cycled, ate some vegetables. Now im studying. Tomorrow is it school again and im not gonna be sick! i feel so hungry :((
im not satisfied
help me get thin :'c
new category
if you haven't noticed, i have a new category called calories of the day, where i every day write how many calories i've eaten and how many i've lost :)
calories of the day
+ 120 calories - 2 apples
+ 25 calories - 1 dl lentil soup
+ 12 calories - some salad
+ 40 calories - ice cream
= 197 calories
+ 25 calories - 1 dl lentil soup
+ 12 calories - some salad
+ 40 calories - ice cream
= 197 calories
- at least 400 calories - gym
yesterday
Calories:
+ 100 caloriers - 2 glasses of milk
+ 180 calories - 3 apples
+ not more then 200 calories - thaifood
= 480 calories
+ 100 caloriers - 2 glasses of milk
+ 180 calories - 3 apples
+ not more then 200 calories - thaifood
= 480 calories
- 20 situps
- 10 pushups
- 20 leg lifts
- 20 butt lifts
- 10 pushups
- 20 leg lifts
- 20 butt lifts
another sick day
oh god, if you're there somewhere, im begging you don't let me suffer like this! i know im stupid, i really know. But give me antohter chance? :(
Im sick again, and i've fever. im freezing but in real im so fucking hot. I BOIL! Its about 11.50 am and i just woke up. Haven't eat, im proud.
Im sick again, and i've fever. im freezing but in real im so fucking hot. I BOIL! Its about 11.50 am and i just woke up. Haven't eat, im proud.
im sorry
dunno what to say.. i feel so fucking bad, i dunno what to do. I hate myselft, SO FUCKING MUCH. Hate, hate, hate, hate! i hate my mun, i hate my dad. i just hate. I love my boyfrien, i wish i could tell him about my fucking problems. He knows most everything.. but it's just this, this problem, my problem, with the fucking food. I HATE FOOD. Im fucking afraid of food. Don't give it to me, please. I wish i was rich, cause if i was i would buy so much light coke so i could live on it. Just drink light coke and don't eat anything. Oh, what a dream..
Now it's about 10.30 pm, i got to sleep.
see yea my lovers!
Now it's about 10.30 pm, i got to sleep.
see yea my lovers!
:(
i think i ate about 1000 calories yesterday :(( feels really bad. OH WHY CAN'T I!? When i move, i'll not have food at home, nothing! Then i'll make it. But i most start nooow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
new nail polish, thanks
i've to buy new nail polish, just so you know.. yeah, i know i got many but i wanna have more! I've ate about 400 calories today and i hate myself.
waiting
dude, im waiting for the clock to become 3.30 pm, it's about an hour. I'll meet ***** then! Miss her very much, our laughs and everything we'd done together.
today's calories
a little grated carrots
some peas
a glass of milk
kind of proud!
kisses! ;)
today's calories
a little grated carrots
some peas
a glass of milk
kind of proud!
kisses! ;)
it's gona be a good day..
.. not. This cold weather makes me sick :( can't stand it! Now im going to school.. hope my day'll be nice :c
crap
i was just out running. I should have gone to bed instead.. cause when i got home i threw up blood, wasn't nice :( I still haven't eat today. I've to study now cause i think im going to school tomorrow.
kisses
kisses
slept until now
it's about 1.30 pm and i've slept until now. I have pain throughout my body and just wanna disappear. Somethings good is that i haven't eat yet. I feel sick and i want light coke, bad thing is i haven't any. I don't want coffee :(
im still searching for an apartment, it doesn't go well. But the main thing is that i try and i really do.
Maybe i'll go back sleep some more.. i hope feel better soon!
im still searching for an apartment, it doesn't go well. But the main thing is that i try and i really do.
Maybe i'll go back sleep some more.. i hope feel better soon!
im awake
come home when you want to, i'm awake all night long
don't tell me, i see everything anyway
don't say anything to me, i can hear it on the steps you take
i'm awake all night long
don't tell me, i see everything anyway
don't say anything to me, i can hear it on the steps you take
i'm awake all night long
moving
hey, i'll move. I can't stand to stay here anymore. It's the same thing all day; fights, nagging and yelling. But some days we don't even look at each other. They make me feel worthless. I hope i can find an apartment quickly, i know that there aren't many who wanna sell an apartment to a 16 year old. But i've no choice.
crying
feel like a baby, im crying. The tears will not stop :'(
binge
fuck. It's not good to binge two days in a row.. I just ate two buns and a sandwich. When i binge i always eat food. Most eat candy and chocolate but im most hungry for sandwiches. I don't know why it's so damn hard to not eat. Help me, please.
god must hate me
i just got home from school. Our last lesson was P.E and i've forget clothes so i went home. And, ofcourse, it started to rain. God must hate me, i swear! We had a test in the first lesson, and i had forgotten. I'll probably not get approved, oh fuck. Why why why? Why does it happen to me!?
I can't do anything right. Okey, i've got it now.
I can't do anything right. Okey, i've got it now.
not prepared
im not prepared for this day. I just wanna go back to bed and sleep until it ends. I've sleep about three hours, im tired and i feel sick. It feels like im going to faint, what if i do? scary. Today i've to hide behind a lot of makeup, damn.
see yea
see yea
goodnight
this time it's real. now im going to sleep.
Look, my green eyes are bloodshoted.. and i know i'll look better if i sleep.
Look, my green eyes are bloodshoted.. and i know i'll look better if i sleep.
still awake
oh, why do i not sleep? It's about 01.40 am.. maybe i should sleep. Right now im drinking light coke, im still thirsty. I soon drank 1.5 liters, feels weird. But it's good, i like it. But i think i should sleep now, in fact im tired. I can't face it. Im so cold, my lips turn blue. I wish i was in bed, under my cover. Mmm.. nice.
how long will this take?
how much can i go through?
my heart and my soul aches
i don't know what to do
i bend, but don't break
somehow i'll get through
cause i've you
Don't pity me. Please, don't.
how long will this take?
how much can i go through?
my heart and my soul aches
i don't know what to do
i bend, but don't break
somehow i'll get through
cause i've you
Don't pity me. Please, don't.
future plans
i haven't gone to bed yet and I have no plans to do that either. Why do god let me feel like this? I feel sick, i wanna vomit, now now now. Im so fucking thirsty, oh i could drink a whole fucking lake.
future plans for tomorrow
breakfast: black coffee
lunch: a glass of water, maybe two. Doesn't matter!
dinner: might be more water, maybe more coffee.
but NOTHING else. No food for tomorrow.
I listen to Superchick right now. It's fucking earcandy ffs.
If you haven't got to bed yet, do it! Otherwise you'll be tired tomorrow and it's school and you got to be alert.
breakfast: black coffee
lunch: a glass of water, maybe two. Doesn't matter!
dinner: might be more water, maybe more coffee.
but NOTHING else. No food for tomorrow.
I listen to Superchick right now. It's fucking earcandy ffs.
If you haven't got to bed yet, do it! Otherwise you'll be tired tomorrow and it's school and you got to be alert.
bad day
some days i wish i was dead. And today i really, really wish i was dead.
thoughts
okey, i really got to write. All the feelings inside me are screaming, sooo loud. I can't even hear what im thinking, i wanna get through this but im not sure i can. Right now i wanna disappear. Just go.. go away from it all. Leave everything and find something new. I want a new body, a whole new body. I wanna hide behind something, something big. This night i'll cry my pillow so wet. Sleep tight fucking world. I hope you're happy now.
fuck, it happen
I could not resist, i binge. fuck fuck fuck. Hate myself. And now I can't vomit :(
kill me
kill me
hey guys
I've lost one pound, dunno if it's good but anyway.. Seriosly i haven't binge yet! Yesterday i only ate three apples and some cucumber and tomatoes. Today is harder, im sooo, soo, soooo hungry for chocolate.. :( I'll drink some light coke and hope that it will pass..
kisses
kisses
feel kind of bad
Im home. I haven't binge yet but i've ate some grated carrots and a apple for lunch. When i get home i ate a avocado too. It's about 250 calories, i feel bad. Now i've to train so i got to do it! I'll write more after.
Hugs
Hugs
got to go
Going to school now. I hope I'll get through this day.. See yea later!
mornin'
Good morning! I just woke up from my varm bed and now im freezing. I have a sore throat also, but i think it'll be better during the day. I dunno what i should wear today, it's pretty cold you know.. Maybe jeans, but i don't feel great in it. No, i got to feel great! Right? I'll think of it a little more, haha.. I'll go and make some coffee now!
live, love, laught!
live, love, laught!
bit proud
i might be anyway... :) Yesterday i only ate about 200 calories and today i've just ate about 100! Oh, damn im pretty good! I hope i don't binge tomorrow.. School starts at 08.20 am. and ending at 03.20 pm. I think i can make it.. black coffee for breakfast and nothing for lunch. My parents are probably not home tomorrow evening so i don't think i need to eat something. That's good, i love control man!
It's just about 08.30 pm now but i think i'll go to bed soon cuz' i might eat if i up longer! Fuck that! I have to lose 10 pounds, i must do it! I just have to believe in myself, and i do. In all cases right now..
Sleep tight, you darlings! ;)
It's just about 08.30 pm now but i think i'll go to bed soon cuz' i might eat if i up longer! Fuck that! I have to lose 10 pounds, i must do it! I just have to believe in myself, and i do. In all cases right now..
Sleep tight, you darlings! ;)
working on my blog
yeaah, i try to do something nice but i dunno.. im not good at codes and stuff. Right now my dad's calling that it's time to eat, i don't wanna eat. Actually im not hungry and if i eat i get fat! I wish i could get out of this but i can't. I don't have anorexia, i have anorexia, i don't have anorexia, i have anorexia.. fuck this life. I haven't eat today, just some grated carrots in school, and im not hungry! But i think i got to go into the kitchen now, otherway they'll wonder.. and they may not know anything!
kiss and goodbye.
kiss and goodbye.
a new life
Hey, today i'll start on my life. A new life, simply. This is my new blog and im gonna write all my feelings here. I take no responsibility for what you do after you've read this. This is me and this is my blog. Just enjoy.. :)
