i love changes. can't help it. i dyed my hair last week, and i really like it. Pretty blonde!
Right now i drink diet drink, it's my lunch. it contains only 180 caloriers, and i haven't ate anything else today. i feel good. i was out biking before :)
i've my period now so i dare not weigh myself. But when it ends i'll do it!

btw im sorry i haven't write for a long time. i don't really know why i haven't! i've done so much stuff and know its the autumn holiday! i just say awesome!!
kisses

i hate myselft. just hate hate hate HATE! im crying now. can't help it, i feel like a baby. it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, stumble and fall. i miss my boyfriend. much. why can't i be like them? I feel like a traitor. i burn, my skin burns. i'll break down, disappear. be gone forever. will anyone miss me then? will anyone remember me at all? oh, god help me understand this. i cannot live, i cannot die, i cannot just be me. NEED A CHANGE.
thanks for listening.

fuck

what a moring! damn. Overslept as hell! And now im not gonna go to school. I'm going to the doctor at 11 am and now its about 10 so i can not :)
kisses

it has not happen much today, i woke up, drank coffee, was out cycled, ate some vegetables. Now im studying. Tomorrow is it school again and im not gonna be sick! i feel so hungry :((

help me get thin :'c

oh god, if you're there somewhere, im begging you don't let me suffer like this! i know im stupid, i really know. But give me antohter chance? :(
Im sick again, and i've fever. im freezing but in real im so fucking hot. I BOIL! Its about 11.50 am and i just woke up. Haven't eat, im proud.

dunno what to say.. i feel so fucking bad, i dunno what to do. I hate myselft, SO FUCKING MUCH. Hate, hate, hate, hate! i hate my mun, i hate my dad. i just hate. I love my boyfrien, i wish i could tell him about my fucking problems. He knows most everything.. but it's just this, this problem, my problem, with the fucking food. I HATE FOOD. Im fucking afraid of food. Don't give it to me, please. I wish i was rich, cause if i was i would buy so much light coke so i could live on it. Just drink light coke and don't eat anything. Oh, what a dream..
Now it's about 10.30 pm, i got to sleep.
see yea my lovers!

dude, im waiting for the clock to become 3.30 pm, it's about an hour. I'll meet ***** then! Miss her very much, our laughs and everything we'd done together.

today's calories
a little grated carrots
some peas
a glass of milk

kind of proud!
kisses! ;)

.. not. This cold weather makes me sick :( can't stand it! Now im going to school.. hope my day'll be nice :c

i was just out running. I should have gone to bed instead.. cause when i got home i threw up blood, wasn't nice :( I still haven't eat today. I've to study now cause i think im going to school tomorrow.
kisses

it's about 1.30 pm and i've slept until now. I have pain throughout my body and just wanna disappear. Somethings good is that i haven't eat yet. I feel sick and i want light coke, bad thing is i haven't any. I don't want coffee :(

im still searching for an apartment, it doesn't go well. But the main thing is that i try and i really do.
Maybe i'll go back sleep some more.. i hope feel better soon!

hey, i'll move. I can't stand to stay here anymore. It's the same thing all day; fights, nagging and yelling. But some days we don't even look at each other. They make me feel worthless. I hope i can find an apartment quickly, i know that there aren't many who wanna sell an apartment to a 16 year old. But i've no choice.

feel like a baby, im crying. The tears will not stop :'(

i just got home from school. Our last lesson was P.E and i've forget clothes so i went home. And, ofcourse, it started to rain. God must hate me, i swear! We had a test in the first lesson, and i had forgotten. I'll probably not get approved, oh fuck. Why why why? Why does it happen to me!?
I can't do anything right. Okey, i've got it now.

this time it's real. now im going to sleep.
Look, my green eyes are bloodshoted.. and i know i'll look better if i sleep.

oh, why do i not sleep? It's about 01.40 am.. maybe i should sleep. Right now im drinking light coke, im still thirsty. I soon drank 1.5 liters, feels weird. But it's good, i like it. But i think i should sleep now, in fact im tired. I can't face it. Im so cold, my lips turn blue. I wish i was in bed, under my cover. Mmm.. nice.

how long will this take?
how much can i go through?
my heart and my soul aches
i don't know what to do
i bend, but don't break
somehow i'll get through
cause i've you
Don't pity me. Please, don't.